When the Idea of Christian Family is Complicated
By Jessica Brodie
We hear it all the time—“Father” God. My “brother” or “sister” in Christ.
Likening our relationships with the divine and each other to family members is a common thing. Jesus used familial terms, as did the apostles Peter and Paul.
For some of us, myself included, this analogy works well. I love the idea that I am a “child of God,” that God is my divine parent, and that in Christ, because of the power of the Holy Spirit that connects us all, I have Christian brothers and sisters across the globe. It makes me feel valuable and reminds me the connection between us is intimate and personal. Just as if we were one big body, if one of us hurts, we all hurt.
But what if the concept of family is painful for us? What if we had an awful, dysfunctional relationship with our earthly father? What if we experienced abuse at his hands, or if he abandoned the family and we never knew him? How would calling God our “father” feel if this is the case for us?
Or the concept of Christian siblings—what if we have a poor relationship with our family? What if we are estranged from a brother or sister, or they harmed us in some devastating way that we are still struggling to forgive?
Recently on Twitter, a Christian woman commented about how she unfollows anyone who calls her “sister in Christ,” as she feels it is inappropriate and harmful.
Yet my experience is so different. I genuinely am heartened when someone calls me sister. I have a handful of close Christian male friends, friends I have done ministry and mission work with alongside my husband, who I regularly and joyfully call my “brothers.” Feeling like someone is my sister or my brother is helpful for me, as it tears down unhealthy human divisions such as racial, age, or cultural barriers. I know in heaven we’ll all be united, and this is my way of helping “Thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.”
And it’s the same with God as father, for me. While I personally think God is so incomprehensible and all-powerful that even ascribing something as basic as gender is a bit like putting God in a box, I still like to think of God as my father. Yes, it’s a human way of looking at it, but Jesus called God his father, and I find it helps me feel closer to God when I call him my father, too.
I loved my earthly father, but I had a complicated relationship with him. He struggled with mental illness and alcoholism, and though he died a Christian, his issues created much pain in our family. Yet when I think of God as “father,” it’s healing for me. God is perfect, the ideal representation of what “father” should represent. He’s the father who never lets us down, never causes pain.
But note one important thing here: all of this is “for me.” See, for me it is healing and helpful to consider God my father and other Christians my brothers and sisters. Yet I know it’s not that way for everyone.
We live in an imperfect world, and other people do let us down, sometimes in horrible, evil ways. When it’s our family, this can have devastating reverberations, sometimes for generations.
Some of us eventually get to the point where we can push aside pain about human family and come to understand and fully appreciate the heavenly family we have instead. But for some of us, that pain is just too raw. We don’t get to that point of acceptance until much, much later in life.
And that’s OK—because God understands.
It’s important to realize our kinship as Christians is far deeper than family ties or family names and roles. Father, brother, sister, mother… those are just titles. The reality is the connection we have through the power of the Holy Spirit.
The Holy Spirit lives inside of each of us who believes in and follows Christ. As we’re told in Romans 8:9, “If anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ.”
It doesn’t matter what label we ascribe to that connection, whether brother or sister or friend, or no word at all. The label doesn’t change the truth, and the truth is that the Holy Spirit lives in and connects each of us to one another, with Christ as our head.
If you are one who has complicated family dynamics and struggles with the concept of God as father or fellow Christians as brothers and sisters, take heart. God knows you and knows why you feel this way. God understands. Perhaps in time, your heart will come to understand the concept of family in a new light.
If you are one who doesn’t have these issues and struggles to understand those who do, I pray you are filled with compassion over the pain some of us have had to experience. We don’t have to understand to love each other and respect each other.
Whether we call ourselves family or not, the reality is that we are one—no matter what label we use.
A prayer: Lord, thank You for all the ways You love us. Help us heal and grow in spite of the issues we face here on earth, and help us love each other well. Enable us to remember the words of Romans 8:28, “That in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” In Your holy name we pray, Amen.
