A Willing Surrender: Thoughts on Sleep and Choices
By Jessica Brodie
My husband and I have opposite sleep styles. He has to wind down for a while, avoid caffeine before bedtime, set the temperature to a perfect near-freezing, and then finally, after a long period of complete silence, drift off to sleep… only to wake up a few more times in the night.
Me? I hop in bed, flip over my pillow to the cozy cool side, snuggle in, and I’m out, usually till morning.
“Let’s go to sleep,” I said to him one night recently.
Matt looked at me, considering.
“You typically say, ‘go to sleep,’ not ‘fall asleep,’ right?” he observed.
I thought a moment. “Yeah, I do say ‘go to sleep.’”
It makes sense, he said. “Going to” sleep implies an active choice I make, a mindset or perspective shift, while “falling” asleep is a more passive circumstance, something that happens to a person beyond their control.
I choose to sleep, to turn off my mind, to quiet all the clamoring voices skipping haphazardly through my brain, and so because it’s a conscious and wiling surrender for me, going to sleep is an easier and faster process.
Now, maybe I’m just super-duper exhausted in general and God has decided to bless me with the gift of a good night’s sleep. Maybe all this will change in a few years.
But Matt’s reasoning is good. I genuinely do see sleep as a choice. After a long day, I look forward to flipping the proverbial switch and shutting down, surrendering to dreamland for a nice chunk of time. I decide, “OK, bedtime,” and voila. So it goes.
It reminds me of how I am with my faith, too.
I grew up believing in Jesus, praying, and attending church, but it took an active decision on my part to shift from mere believer to full-on Jesus follower. I had to say, “Yes, Jesus. I choose You. I follow You. You are my guide and my ruler and my head.”
In fact, I still have to say “yes, Jesus” every day. It doesn’t just happen, though it’s nice when I automatically default to it.
My faith is a firm foundation, but my mind can get incredibly distracted by the ways of the world and its temptations and dramas. My feelings can get hurt, or I can find my heart tugged toward earthly wants instead of Kingdom goals… that is, the purpose of God and fulfilling the Lord’s will and ways as it will one day be in the Kingdom of heaven.
If not for that commitment, I might tuck inward, thinking of my needs instead of my neighbors, thinking of my fears instead of my calling to “go and make disciples of all nations” for the transformation of the world (Matthew 28:19 NIV).
The apostle Paul talks about the choice we make in 2 Corinthians 5:9, noting, “We make it our goal to please him.” Jesus tells us that He is the light of the world, that “whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life” (John 8:12).
True following doesn’t happen by accident. Sure, some get swept up in the excitement of a crowd, but after the excitement fades and reality sets in, we must decide: What side are we on? Do we follow Jesus or self? Do we focus on the eternal kingdom or this temporary one, where dust fades to dust over time?
Regardless of your sleep style, or how you got to where you are in your walk with Christ, this week I pray you will consider where you are in your faith. Are you stumbling along, flailing in your choices, tossing to and fro upon the waters?
Or are you waking up each day committed to taking up your cross and following the One who made the stars?
I choose the way of Jesus Christ, my savior. Now and forever.
