Learning (Again!) to Lean on the Lord
By Jessica Brodie
Have you ever been at a point where there is nothing you can do but pray, and even then, you have no idea how the situation will turn out?
That was me the other day, driving my daughter to a doctor’s appointment when my car broke down.
I’ve shared before that my car is on its last legs. It’s a yucky situation, because I have a car loan on it and it’s relatively new, but it’s essentially a lemon and needs a new engine, but there’s no good recourse because I’m the second owner. Selling it as it is won’t get us anywhere near what we owe on the loan, so we’re stuck. So we’ve been limping along with it, trying to figure out what to do, asking God but not really hearing much of an answer, and really trying just to use it for local trips, like grocery store runs. Thankfully, I’m at a point in my life where, while I work full-time, I mostly work from home, so it’s not as dire as this could have been a few years ago, when I commuted to my office daily.
But all of last week, my husband was out of town, and our other vehicle a fixer-upper that currently doesn’t have a working third gear. So there my daughter and I were in my not-super-reliable sedan, starting out on our drive, when suddenly I pressed the gas and…
Nothing happened. Literally. What I mean is the car started to accelerate, then just … stopped. Like it was just coasting. Next it started shaking, kind of like a 1920s-era jalopy.
My eyes went wide and my hands gripped the steering wheel.
I made a U-turn and pulled into a gas station, turned off the car, and checked my oil. It was low as usual, so I added some, then started the car again. By this point, the engine light was on, but with my husband out of town, I really didn’t want to call for a tow. It’s an expense we don’t need right now, and it created a whole bunch of logistical issues.
Thankfully, my house was only a short distance away, so I decided to head back home. My poor little car sputtered and shook as we meandered along the two-lane.
“Please God, just help us get home,” Avery and I prayed together as I drove. “Please help us not break down on the side of the road. Help us just get back home and park it in the spot and we’ll figure out what you want us to do. Just please—help us get home.”
We prayed that whole way, the accelerator on my engine only ever getting to 15 or 20 miles an hour. At long last we pulled into my driveway, parked my car beneath the maple tree where it normally sits, and give a huge and grateful sigh of relief.
“Thank you, God!” we said.
I’ve prayed to God about my car before. Before, when we’d hoped to trade it in, I prayed so fervently that God would help us get out of the loan and get rid of the car. But he said no. I was disappointed and frustrated, but what could I do? I’d prayed for a sign or some direction, but nothing.
But as my daughter and I went inside the house and poured some water to drink, I stood in the kitchen a moment, thinking. The word that came to my mind: Dependence.
That day, we’d had no other recourse during the drive home but God. With no other way home, we were forced to rely 100 percent upon the Lord to provide for us. And on this day, he did. We made it back home.
While it’s not my favorite situation to be trapped at home without transportation, all of my basic needs have been provided. I have running water when I turn on the faucet and a pantry full of groceries. I have shelter over my head and a bed upon which to sleep. At the moment we’re all healthy and safe. God has provided everything I truly needed.
This is the lesson for me this week. I know God doesn’t always answer prayers the way I want him to. He says “no” when I so desperately want his yes. He says “wait” when I really want things to happen now. Sometimes he sends things completely out of nowhere, good things and bad things, and it’s so evident they are from him.
This week, I needed to understand in a new and fresh way the magnificent, loving provision of the Lord God Almighty. I breathe and live and walk around because he wills it. The gifts I have—my writing ability and other skills, even the love within my heart—are all because he put them there. On my own, I really don’t amount to much. But with him, it’s different. With him I bear fruit, I have meaning, and I can accomplish so much.
This week I needed to completely and totally understand how much I depend on God. That feeling of desperation in me taught me this powerful truth all over again, something I really needed to remember.
Next week we’ll figure out the car, one way or the other. But in the big picture, it’s not that big of a deal. God has already been speaking into my heart about what we’re supposed to do, and that path will be clear in another few days, I am certain.
But today, I’m looking to God and remembering this lesson—and praying it will be a long time before I need reminding again. God provides. I belong to God, and I am his daughter.
As Jesus told his disciples, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5 NIV).
We are nothing without him.
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