What if I need to go backwards in order to go forward?
By Jessica Brodie
I hear it in my head on repeat—let the past go. Get rid of that baggage. Leave yesterday behind. Focus on the present.
Those are all good intentions, aren’t they? Scripture has a lot to say about leaving the past in the past. From Paul’s reminder in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that we are all “new creations in Christ” to his urging in Philippians 3:13-14 to forget what lies behind and “press on toward the goal” of heaven, it’s an important theme. Lot’s wife turned into a pillar of salt when she looked back at the destruction of her city, and Jesus Himself, when a potential disciple agreed to follow Him after he said goodbye to his family, said, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God” (Luke 9:62 NIV).
And most of us would love to live that way, wouldn’t we? Do you ever have times where you know you’ve done wrong things and know you’re forgiven, yet you continue to beat yourself up over the years even though you’ve long since repented, as though forgiveness isn’t enough? You’ve got to go that extra step by berating yourself to truly be “punished enough”?
Or maybe something horrible happened to you many years ago, and while you know you’re safe now, you still find yourself triggered by trauma?
I’ve had some rough times in my life, and sometimes memories still come back in my dreams. I like to say I’ve let go of my “baggage of the past,” but it’s not always that easy.
A few months ago, one of my pastors at church mentioned in a sermon that sometimes, people need to go backwards in order to go forward.
While the sermon was on something entirely different, that one question has stuck with me.
Is there a benefit to stepping back so we can move on?
What if I need to go backwards in order to go forward? What if we all do?
See, when things are continually cropping up in our minds, in our dreams, even in the pattern of relationships we form with others, that is a sign the past isn’t really gone despite our intentions to make it so.
Jesus tells us in John 15:1-5 how we should live our lives: in tandem with him. As He says, “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
In other words, when we walk with Jesus, depend on Him, cling to Him, and drink His “living water,” we can grow and flourish. He’s the vine. We live and grow if we are connected to Him.
In John 1:4-5, it says Jesus is also the light of the world. “In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
And the apostle Paul writes about the power of that light in Ephesians 5:11-14, noting that the light of the Lord will expose all that is in darkness.
If you find yourself plagued by troubling memories, thoughts of the past that won’t go away—whether it’s something you’ve done or something that’s been done to you—maybe that question does apply to you. Maybe God is asking you to shine some light into that darkness, expose all the shadowy corners, so the bad can be drawn out and transformed into good.
And remember: Jesus is with you every step of the way, shining that light right next to you.
What do you think? Have you experienced a time when you felt you needed to go backwards to go forward? Did it help?
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