Is it well with my soul?
By Jessica Brodie
You know how people say all these terrific self-love things, like “I’m my own best friend” and “I love me”? Nope. That wasn’t me for most of my life.
The truth is I never felt comfortable with myself until the last few years. I didn’t enjoy my own company, didn’t really like myself all that much, and when I had a day alone, I’d usually invent things to do—organizing photo albums, or cleaning the house top to bottom—just to stay occupied. I’d hoped it was something I’d grow out of, but when I hit my thirties and things still hadn’t changed, I knew it was something deeper.
I’d see other women, even very young women, who seemed utterly comfortable and fully at peace with themselves. They’d sit on a park bench and appear to bask in the sunlight, or wait patiently in line at the grocery store, seemingly content in their solitude. I’d look on in envy. Were they born that way? Was it something their parents taught them?
A few years ago, I figured out their secret—or at least how to achieve that self-comfort and peace. It was all about the soul.
See, as you may have read on my blog before, I was raised a Christian, but I wasn’t a full Jesus-follower (for me there is a distinction!) until I became an adult. Then, sometime in the last decade as my spiritual walk deepened, I began to focus on a new soul-challenge: discipleship by reading God’s word, the Bible, on a daily basis.
That’s right, daily. Every day, I read a chapter—sometimes a lot more, but always a chapter. Then I carry that around in my heart all day, and somehow God’s words transform my heart. I feel closer to Him, understand Him better, hear Him more clearly, focus on Him more intensely.
Shortly after I started doing that, I realized I was changing. I didn’t need to listen to music or an audiobook in the car. Once, I drove three hours across my state and realized I hadn’t cranked on the radio or picked up the phone at all—I’d simply allowed myself to rest in the peace of the Lord. That verse from Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God,” finally made sense.
That day, I realized an important truth: loving myself isn’t actually about me at all. It’s about loving the Lord.
Genesis 1:27 tells me God created human beings in His own image. He loves us completely, and the more I know and understand Him, the more I realize that I am part of Him, part of His beauty and love.
Knowing God intimately and fully is the answer to everything I’ve ever been looking for. I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it. And whatever way we get there, I know in my soul that it’s life-changing, perfect bliss.
How about you? Do you feel like you know the Lord and have a relationship with Him? What helps you know God better?
