What Do You Do When Church Doesn’t Feel So Welcoming?
By Jessica Brodie
Being a Christian and going to church are not necessarily synonymous. Plenty of people go to church week after week for a variety of reasons—whether out of obligation to their family or because they simply like the sermon or the music—without the full message of the cross permeating their souls. But actually being a Christian, being a follower of Jesus, involves genuinely believing that Jesus Christ is the son of God and the savior of humanity, repenting of our sins, and then doing our best to follow him and live the way Jesus would have us live.
We don’t need to go to church to be a Christian, though most of us should go to church for a variety of reasons I’ll explain below. Yet attending church can be so difficult, especially for people who have been hurt by the church, incorrect theology, judgmental Christians, and more. I know people who, in their times of deepest need, turned to their church for support and assistance and instead felt pushed away or unwanted. Jesus said the world will know we are Christians by the way we love each other (John 13:35), but in reality, sometimes that love isn’t so obvious.
Jesus knew that people needed other Christians around them to be able to live a Christian life most effectively. Not only is there strength in numbers (Ecclesiastes 4:12), but Jesus said that when two or more are gathered, he is with them (Matthew 18:20). In addition, the Holy Spirit is a powerful gift, and while we who believe have the Holy Spirit living within us, the Spirit can do his work most powerfully when we are united with other Christians. That is why the unity of the church is so important.
But it is no secret that many Christians today despise going to church. Maybe they were hurt by a situation years ago. Maybe they attended a church that taught racist or sexist misinformation in the guise of theology, and it created a wall between them and the Lord or sent them astray. Maybe they experienced some sort of sexual or emotional abuse in church by a pastor or powerful person there. Maybe the other Christians they encountered were mean, cliquish, or so focused on pointing out sin they forgot to teach the Truth.
Or maybe they got tired of too much money going to buildings and not enough going to missions.
They say the worst part of Christianity can be the other Christians. When we are truly allowing the light and love of Christ to shine through us, it is a beautiful thing that draws many to the Gospel. But when we’re not, we can push people so far away they don’t ever want to come close.
In 2 Corinthians 5:20, the apostle Paul says we are Christ’s ambassadors, and we need to remember that.
So what do you do if you are a Christian and just don’t feel like you can go to church?
Here are some thoughts:
One, remember that the church does not need to be a building with a steeple. Many churches thrive in houses, open-air spaces like parks, coffeeshops, or other alternative places. If a traditional church setting is difficult for you for whatever reason, remember this. Gathering in-person with other believers, whatever that looks like, is something Jesus wanted us to do so we could worship God together, draw closer in the Spirit, hear a word from scripture, etc. Ideally, this is done face-to-face, not online. But there are many people who can’t gather in person with others whether because they live in a very remote location, it is dangerous or illegal to gather with other Christians, or because they have an immune disorder that makes getting together with other human beings unsafe. If that’s your case, then by all means, do know that the Holy Spirit still works through phone lines and Internet connections. But there is no substitute for being with other people. Even if it’s a small group of four or five, that’s enough.
Two, remember that going to church is not about your comfort level. It’s about worshiping God. In today’s society, many have jobs where you have to work at the time when you would normally gather for church. If this is your situation, consider attending a church in another denomination with alternative times of worship. It doesn’t have to be your preferred denomination. For example, if you work on a Sunday morning, consider a Saturday Catholic mass even if you are not Catholic. Or maybe you are Lutheran, but the Baptist church in your community offers a Wednesday night service; do that instead. You don’t have to agree with every bit of every denomination. Go, connect with other believers despite the differences, and worship God together.
Or maybe you’ve gone to churches in your area, but you just don’t like the style of the singing or the people very much. Remember: you don’t have to like the other people, the music, or the liturgy. Going to church is both an act of sacrifice and an opportunity for worship.
Third, many people feel they get more spiritually out of worshiping God in nature, or at home alone, so they determine they don’t need to go to church. But why not do both? Worship God in all the ways you can, not just your preferred way. There is a benefit to connecting with other Christian believers. Some people are mean, and some churches are cliquey. But not every Christian is mean, and not every church is cliquey.
Chances are, you’ll find a lot more people out there to connect with than you can imagine.
If you’ve been hurt by other Christians or by a church, it’s OK to acknowledge your pain. It hurts! It’s hard. And it’s the truth that other Christians sometimes do things that are really out of line with Jesus.
But don’t let that stop you from seeking a church home. It’s never going to be perfect, and there will be things that can be annoying.
Remember: Community is good for the soul. It’s easier for the devil to divide a lone sheep from the fringes of the herd than to attack the herd itself.
We are not meant to do this alone.
