By Jessica Brodie
Have you ever taken a trip down memory lane—and just couldn’t stop?
Sometimes those trips are pleasant. We recall happy memories from our childhood, perhaps sweet faces or lovely times with relatives or friends now long gone. For some of us, those were relatively carefree days when the pressures and responsibilities of life hadn’t yet taken hold.
But sometimes, those trips down memory lane are terrible. Maybe we had a difficult, dysfunctional childhood, rife with abuse or challenges we still struggle to reconcile or forgive.
And sometimes, those trips turn into rumination … a dark dive into a hole of negative, spiraling thoughts that can be incredibly difficult to navigate, let alone escape.
If you’ve never heard of it, rumination is a thought process that involves repeatedly dwelling on negative thoughts and experiences. “Repeatedly” is the key word here. Those sucked into a cycle of rumination find it hard to stop once they’ve started. Rumination usually involves repeating the same thoughts over and over, focusing intently on the negative aspects of situations that are sometimes years past. They know they need to stop this cycle of thought, but they often feel powerless, like they’re caught in a whirlpool of negativity with no rope of help or hope to haul them out. It’s a lonely and sometimes terrifying place to be. Even if you have loved ones beside you, coaxing you to the surface, it’s incredibly hard and scary.
My teen daughter, who struggles with depression and anxiety, has had many bouts of this, and I’ve found myself walking beside her many times are she tries so hard to escape her private “memory lane.” While she’s in a great place now, rumination is something we have to stay in constant watch about, for it can happen so quickly.
Sometimes, it starts innocently enough–she’s reminded of something difficult, and her mind is simply trying to make sense of things. But rumination goes beyond reconciling or emotional processing, which typically point to acceptance or a new perspective, something steeped in hope. Rumination often means the negative memories circle around and around, with no solution or new insight in the end. She’ll get “stuck” in that negative pattern, and it’s a tough cycle to extricate her once she’s there.
Over the years, we’ve learned a few tricks on how to halt or lessen rumination. It’s a work in progress, and I’m not sure we’ll ever perfect it. But as people of faith, we try our best, keeping our eyes on God, who is our ultimate place of rest.
Here are seven things that help stop a cycle of rumination from taking you hostage:
1. Remembering scripture’s commands
It’s easy to say “don’t ruminate,” as if simply setting our mind on something will make it so. For those who battle mental illness or are in a difficult place in life, rumination can be a mighty internal battle. However, it can be extremely helpful to remind ourselves of God’s helpful and loving commands in the Bible. God isn’t some mean, uncaring taskmaster who makes rules and laws to keep us in line just because he wants to. If you look at God’s rules for us, every one of them has our best interest in mind. For instance, in Matthew 6:25, Jesus expressly tells us, “Do not worry” (NIV). It’s not a suggestion, either. He goes on to explain why, and to reassure us that God cares for us and will provide for us (Matthew 6:25-34). In Matthew 11:28-29, he tells us we can find true rest for our souls in him. “Come to me,” Jesus beckons (v. 28). Paul echoes this in his letter to the early church in Philippi, noting that instead of being anxious, we are to set our minds upon “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy” (Philippians 4:8). These aren’t pat or trite suggestions from someone merely glossing over the pain of life. He puts it more succinctly in Colossians 3:2, reminding God’s people, “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”
Saying this is often easier than doing it. Still, simply reminding ourselves of these truths can help. Scripture is a powerful tool given to us by God. Ephesians 6:17 calls God’s word "the sword of the Spirit,” helping us to fight evil. Remember this, my friends. It can help tremendously.
2. Distraction with simple pleasures
God provides us with joy in such simple, timeless things… for us, stopping the thoughts to toss a ball with our dog, or curl up next to one of our cats and stroke their soft fur, can be a balm to the soul. Spending time in nature, or with children or the elderly and inform, can do the same. Feel the warmth of the sun on your skin as you sit near a window, or take a deep breath outside on a clear day. Bask in this—it can help break the pattern of rumination.
3. Sleep
Sometimes, we just need to switch our minds off. Years ago, my daughter’s counselor taught her to visualize putting her worries on a shelf for a time, knowing she can come back to them later. This can be a big help knowing we can take a mental break… and doing so can also break a negative thought pattern, sometimes even for good. Take a nap, or get a good night’s sleep if that’s possible. Sometimes it solves a world of problems.
4. Self-care
Beyond sleep, remember to do other basic self-care. Our moods can dip drastically when we’re tired, hungry, too cold or hot, etc. Have a snack. Eat something nutritious. Take a shower or bath. Exercise. Do something good for your body as a form of self-care. Not only can it help distract you, but it can have positive physical effects, too.
5. Awareness of patterns
Become aware of when you tend to ruminate. For my daughter, evenings are those times. She’s tired, but not quite ready for bed, and the busy-ness of the day is done. Voila—prime time for rumination. She mistakes being tired for being lonely, and life tends to look gloomier. Now, we find ourselves saying, “It’s 8 p.m.—no wonder I’m thinking this. Maybe I’m just tired.” Something as simple as this can break the pattern as logic enters the equation.
6. Limit (or eliminate) social media
Social media can be a huge trigger for many people. Even though most teens are on social media, my daughter has taken herself off it entirely for now because it tends to make her feel worse—she compared herself to others, and this can trigger rumination. Maybe you can’t or don’t want to avoid it, but do what you can to cull your feed and unfollow accounts that lead to negative thoughts.
7. Foster real-life connection
Replace online social connection with in-person or telephone support, or with more authentic, intimate online connections.
These don’t always work, of course. There are times when self-help techniques can’t ward off or stop rumination, and you feel helpless and stuck in a hole of despair. If that’s the case, consider a counselor who can walk you through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) to learn how to stop the cycle.
Rumination can hinder our work for God’s kingdom by distracting us from the important work God has for us. It can steal our joy and leave us feeling hopeless—and hence, prone to temptation or spiritual attack. If you want to share further about your experiences, please feel free to email me. I’m not a trained counselor, but I’d be honored to pray for and with you.
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