Drawing near to God
By Jessica Brodie
I was an anxious five-year-old, the kind of girl who’d worry first, then play. The kind who’d analyze all the possible things that could go wrong before taking a cautious, tentative half-leap.
Surprisingly, though, things were going OK for me in kindergarten. I was settling in.
And then the unthinkable happened… my teacher, who I’d finally gotten used to, got sick. Unexpectedly! Without warning! I’d walked into my kindergarten class to find not my beloved Mrs. Alexander but instead…
A substitute.
My heart just about stopped.
But the sub was nice, and things carried on as normal, and I was finally beginning to relax when another change came my way in the form of recess.
Normally, I liked recess, but my sub didn’t know all the “regular procedures,” like how we were supposed to signal a certain way when we needed to use the bathroom.
I held my bladder throughout the whole hourlong recess break, too scared to speak up. Then we filed back into the classroom, and still! No bathroom break!
What would I do? Why didn’t she notice? I couldn’t just ask her... Could I?
Sweat began to bead. My legs crossed. I knelt to get something out of my cubby…
And then it happened.
I wet my pants. Right there in the classroom.
The shame! I wanted to escape, just snap my fingers and zip right back to my frilly pink bedroom. There, in front of all my kindergarten classmates and this brand-new substitute I’d never before met in my life, and I’d wet my pants like a baby!
So I did what any worrywart, super-cautious, ever-anxious five-year-old was supposed to do.
I hid behind the cubbies and pretended I didn’t exist.
They called my name, but I didn’t come. The substitute sent another child over to fetch me, but I scooted myself deep inside the cubby station and held my finger to my lips. “Shhh!” I gave him a wink, like I was just playing and not dying of embarrassment.
I guess he played along, or maybe she figured it out, because no one bothered me again. I sat back there the rest of the afternoon, for what felt like hours and hours, and then the class filed out and there was my mom, ready to bring me home and armed with a fresh change of clothes. Somehow, this very kind substitute teacher had discovered what had happened and, instead of making me face my humiliation in front of my entire kindergarten class, let me save face.
It seems so silly now—I’m certainly not the first kindergartener to wet her pants at school, and I won’t be the last. And to think I could somehow disappear and no one would notice was pretty farfetched, even for a five-year-old.
Reading the story of Adam and Eve this morning in Genesis, it hit me that their behavior in the garden was a little bit like mine that day back in kindergarten.
Adam and Eve had just eaten from the forbidden tree, and immediately they’d realized they had sinned and were ashamed.
“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’ He answered, ‘I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid’” (Genesis 3:8-10 NIV).
That passage always struck me as ridiculous because God is clearly omniscient, seeing and hearing everything we do, and here they were, hiding in the trees like little kids.
But rereading that passage today it hit me—it’s not only my kindergarten teacher I’ve hid from in my life. Sometimes when I’ve made mistakes, I’ve hid from God, too. In my shame, I put distance between me and God, as though if I drew away, He somehow wouldn’t notice me or the wrong I’d done.
However, God isn’t some earthly kindergarten teacher. He’s Lord of the universe, God almighty, who sees and knows all. And He loves me anyway.
Scripture offers us another path: Instead of pulling back, draw near.
James 4:7-10 tells us, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts…. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up” (NIV).
We’re human, and we all make mistakes. When we do, don’t try to hide. You can’t hide from God, and it only makes things worse. Instead, draw near and submit to God, who will lift you up.
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